Instead of tricking myself into thinking I don't like him so that I can be normal around him, I'm just going to actually decide that I don't like him. It's so much easier not to like anyone. Honestly this whole "liking someone" shit is boring and childish. I don't like talking about it. I'm just going to leave it up to the universe.

Today my friend is coming over. The one and only friend that I have made recently and seemed to have maintained somewhat. But it's only been a couple of weeks that we've been friends, so I don't want to speak too soon.

I'm so attention hungry. I'm an attention whore. I want it anywhere I can get it. Actually, scratch that, I want it over the internet, human contact is too uncomfortable. I've been addicted to tumblr for the past year, and it's been my primary source of attention. I had 5,000 followers; they talked to me, they reblogged my pictures, they asked me sexual questions. Everything was perfect. But then I felt too addicted, I wanted a real life, so I deleted it. I was tumblr-free for a couple of months. I missed the attention so much that I made a new tumblr. Now I only have roughly 1,200 followers and I get a lot less attention. I don't know if it's such a bad thing to want attention. I think that deep down everyone wants attention, but not everyone has the guts to admit it.

Lately I've been obsessed with serial killers and death and diseases of sorts, more on that later. I've also started painting more. This is a painting I did for art class, I'm pretty proud of it and I get a lot of compliments.

Ugh, nevermind the picture won't upload. I'll show you later haha.

Anyway, this blog has been a lot about nothing. Just random stuff. I don't even know if I like blogging, I don't seem interesting enough. Maybe from now on I'll just blog things that aren't me rambling on about nothing unless I actually have something to say.

I'm off the watch Psycho.

Basically "Not Giving A Fuck" has been an ongoing battle with myself.

I really don't want to give a fuck. I try not to give a fuck.

It actually makes life so much better, easier, stress free.

Because worrying about something won't change the outcome.

I like this guy.

Why can't I bring myself to talk to him?

he's just a person, and this is only life.

Nothing is a big deal.

Just one person talking to another person.

But I'm too fucking pathetic.

I can't stop giving a fuck.

I give too many fucks.

Fucks fucks fucks.

Fucks all around.

Maybe I can telepathically tell him start talking to me.

Inception!

That's what I'll do.

Well we're going to a concert together.

I worked up enough courage to ask him to a concert.

But I don't even know what he thinks of me.

When I'm around him, I act fucking weird.

I talk a lot, I act strange and hyper.

But I avoid talking to him.

I avoid eye contact with him.

I talk to everyone around him.

On another note, let's see what I actually did accomplish in 2010.

1. Get hair extensions
2. Get a septum piercing
3. Stretch ear to 00g
4. Finish my book
5. Sell one of my painting
6. Do at least three paintings [1/3]
7. Get a job
8. Complete my community hours for school
9. Buy a sketchbook and draw on every page
10. See a concert
11. Weigh under 140 pounds
12. Get paid for cutting someone's hair
13. Make a portfolio for my photography
14. Fill me and Tyler's scrapbook
15. Turn 16
16. Learn to drive
17. Buy a studded belt
18. Not sleep for two days
19. Change the jewelry in my monroe piercing
20. Have a halloween/costume birthday party
21. Get paid for taking portraits
22. Buy a corset
23. Go to Tyler's prom
24. Visit an art gallery
25. Go to school everyday for one month
26. Go to the gym five days a week for ten weeks
27. Buy a fish
28. Make a mix CD with Tyler
29. Do something reckless
30. Take photobooth pictures with Tyler
31. Donate to charity
32. Perform in the sears drama festival
33. Go skating with Gabrielle
34. Cover a wall in my room with pictures
35. Unpack the boxes in my closet
36. Paint a room
37. Make a new best friend
38. Get 5,000 views on deviantart
39. Reach level 150 on vampire wars on facebook
40. Buy new Harley Davidson boots
41. Post 100 weblogs on Xanga [25/100]
42. Buy a prom dress
43. Have a birthday party with my old friends
44. Reach combat level 30 on Runescape
45. 100 followers on Tumblr
46. Get a fish eye lens for my camera
47. Get another piercing (undecided)
48. Dye my hair white
49. Dye my hair cotton candy blue and pink
50. Go canoeing
51. Swim in the river
52. 500 followers on Tumblr
53. 1000 posts on Tumblr [571/1000]
54. Go camping
56. Go to LaRonde 5 times
57. Make a resume
58. See The Misfits
59. See Rob Zombie

I guess I accomplished enough. Most of these things I don't even want anymore.

I'm going to make a new one for 2011.

My life is so dull. I need to spend more time with friends.

This weblog was a lot of nothing.

Sorry it was so boring.

I need to start writing in paragraphs.